The less you do, the happier you'll be

I used to be someone that had to have every minute of the day planned. I would approach the weekends with dread if it wasn't jam-packed with activities.Although I came home from worked mentally drained, I would need to fill the night with research, consuming media, facebook scrolling, etc.I didn't know myself well enough at that point to know that I needed downtime, I needed solitude to re-center myself.But at the time when my anxiety was running the show, I could not stand the thought of stillness, and instead would be trapped by the never-ending cycle of thoughts, fears, and insecurities.

I was doing everything I could to avoid being with my own thoughts.

But ironically, the minute a social event would come around, I would immediately crave the quiet of my apartment.I fought for a while against the fact that I was an introvert that needed alone time to recharge. I thought that was weird or lonely so I fought against it.Pushing myself way past my limits until I was completely exhausted, more anxious than before.So the way it manifested for me was filling up my schedule so intensely that I wouldn't have to deal with what was really going on.

What I would later come to find out was the less I did, the happier I was. The more I was okay with the discomfort, the better I felt.

I see this with friends all the time, always feeling busy with no end in sight, or being completely drained they can't think straight. Getting sick more often than not because their body just can't push anymore.See we were lead to believe that a busy schedule equals success. That the more we push, the more we earn.But all this is doing is creating more stress and anxiety.I reached the worst point after college, when I really wasn't sure what to do anymore. Structured days as I knew it were done, so now what? I didn't have a job lined up yet so I had free reign to explore anything.But this was when my life was still ruled by anxiety so being busy looked like any of the following:-researching the "perfect" diet and doing it obsessively, constantly thinking about food and what I had to eat next-wishing I could stick to a workout plan, but spending way too much time berating myself for not doing it rather than taking action-always running "what-if" scenarios in my head of the worst that could happen, not once did I think "what's the best that could happen"?-making plans with multiple people in order to feel like I was wanted, or waiting around for hours on end for someone to text me-scrolling through social media for hours comparing myself and my life to everyone else, thinking why could they have it all and I can't?-thinking of all the fun ways to fill my new found free time, but letting the fear of failure paralyze me before trying it-trying something outside my comfort zone one time (volunteering, meet-ups, a new class) but then quickly declaring it as pointless and never going back

Having anxiety means you are always "on", you may be not moving physically but your mind is going a mile a minute.

These were things that hindered me from relaxation and ultimately from acceptance.But I wasn't going to change until I learned to slow down, and accept where I was, mentally. Physically pushing myself did not equate to me being any more successful.Looking back, there were some major times in my life that were very obvious signs I needed to slow down.Getting the flu after accepting a new job, dismissing red flags in a relationship because on paper it seemed right, or my body physically breaking down from how I was eating but I wanted to lose weight.And so on and so on. My body was giving me constant feedback yet I ignored the signs as often as I could.I wanted it all and wanted to constantly achieve. I would not be happy or successful until I accomplished everything I set out to.Little did I know that I was pushing farther and farther away from my dreams.

I was still ruled by my fear, still "hating" myself into self acceptance.

It wasn't until some big, life-altering events happened that were followed by the hardest 3 months of my life I knew I had change.I had to stop all the pushing, check-lists, media-binging that I was doing.I was never going to feel better or know myself if I kept running, if I kept distracting myself.For the first time in my life, I decided to not be "working" towards anything. I decided to just be.To sit with the uncomfortable feelings, to spend lots of time alone, to make the biggest effort of all to quiet my mind.It was extremely hard at first, I wanted to keep running, to keep filling up my schedule as I'd done all these years.The goals, the to-do lists, the research, the perfect plan, that was my comfort zone, that's how I identified myself as.But I was missing out on life, I was letting big moments pass and I still felt unfulfilled, hollow inside.So when I took the leap and decided to sit with it all, amazing things started to happen.I heard the quiet, steady voice inside that said everything would work out.I started seeing visuals of the dreams I really wanted to accomplish, the dreams that felt good to me.They were more gentle this time, goals such as happiness, peace, endless love, were becoming increasingly more important to me.I didn't want to check things off on paper anymore, I wanted to live.The less I did, the less I pushed myself, the happier I was.Ironically, I felt more powerful than ever because I was able to know myself like never before.In the stillness I found a new found strength that I was striving for all these years.I had it in me all along but I needed to make space for it to manifest.So please, all you self-proclaimed over-acheivers, the "do-ers", and list makers.Do less.Start where you are and find that place of total happiness and peace that isn't wrapped into anything externally.It may take you a day, it may take a year, but you must find it before you continue to chase un-fulfillment.When you find that place,  I promise that your best life will start happening at a pace you can't quite keep up with. You won't believe the good will happen in your life.And for the first time, you will wish you did less, sooner.