How I Found Inner Peace by Becoming Friends With Fear

Don't let your fear paralyze you. The scariest paths often lead to the most exciting places. - Lori Deschene

I have lived with fear and anxiety my entire life from the moment I started forming memories. Every decision and new experience caused me to have fear from a very young age. 

It’s not that I had childhood trauma or an unstable home, it was actually the opposite. I grew up in a loving and caring family. It was more so my personality type and disposition. 

I just assumed that this is how the world worked and everyone had this innate fear of the world. I would get anxious over what other people thought of me and my physical appearance. I would worry about something happening to my parents constantly. 

I was the kid that didn’t go on the rollercoaster during school trips. I would happily volunteer to hold all the backpacks while the other kids were screaming with joy above me. I was also afraid to go on overnight trips and much preferred to stay home.

This state of fear quickly became my comfort zone and I figured that if I wasn’t worrying then something would go wrong. That my fear was the thing keeping everyone safe. I got so comfortable with anxiety that I preferred the mental turmoil.

When I got to high school I discovered that alcohol was a great way to forget my anxiety. I became so consumed with this party-girl persona because it was the thing to finally give me confidence. For a night I could forget about my anxiety about how I looked and just have fun.

This party-girl persona felt so fun and free, it gave me the confidence I needed, or so I thought. I continued to rely on this altar ego through college and the years following. Friday and Saturday nights were my time to feel free and escape all the anxiety from the week.

It wasn’t until my mid-20s that my body physically couldn’t keep this persona up anymore. While it felt fun for a couple of hours, the alcohol made my anxiety so much worse when it wore off. The high confidence I got from partying quickly went away when I woke up the next morning.

Something had to change because I was absolutely miserable. All my life I was trying to run away from or mask this fear without actually learning why my brain was like this. I knew that if I wanted the fulfilling life I always dreamed of, it was time to get real with myself.

During one of my late-night research sessions, I stumbled upon the term Highly Sensitive Person and everything changed.

For the first time ever I finally felt seen and recognized. I finally found something that described who I was and I didn’t feel the pressure to conform to what’s “normal”.

The more I learned about being an HSP, the more I realized how much of a superpower it is. I learned that my sensitivity is a gift that most people don’t have the joy of experiencing. My sensitivity allows me to experience life on a heightened level and even the smallest moments carry meaning.

With this realization of the power that I hold I also discovered the dark side of being highly sensitive. When self-care is lacking, anxiety and fear will take over. 

That’s why I was so fearful my entire life because I didn’t know how to manage my sensitive nature. The moment I realized this was life-changing, I unlocked a secret that would change my life forever.

It was from that moment that I vowed to teach other people like me this secret of sensitivity. To show other sensitive beings how powerful they are and to not let fear take center stage. I made a vow to help people just like me grow their confidence and let the world see their gifts.

I realized that if I wanted to help other people around the world I had to put myself out there. I had to confront my fear of what people thought of me. I was so scared of what my friends and coworkers would think of me when I started sharing my writing and learnings.

I had to admit to myself and everyone else that I wasn’t the crazy party girl I was portraying. I was actually deeply sensitive and intuitive and desire to be a powerful coach to others. People had to start seeing the real me for the first time ever.

It wasn’t until the pandemic that I got the much-needed wake-up call. I couldn’t hide anymore if I wanted to create this big meaningful life I desired. If I wanted to coach and help other sensitive people, I had to put myself out there once and for all. I had to be the inspiration that my future community was looking for.

My dreams weren’t going to make themselves a reality. I had to be a co-creator in the process.

It was then and there that I had to make friends with fear instead of running from it. I learned that fear is a natural human response but it isn’t a stopping point. 

Fear is just a by-product of trying something new and I could still go after my dreams regardless of it. Once I started hitting publish on my articles and showing up consistently, everything changed.

Here are the biggest lessons I learned while making friends with fear and using it as fuel to go after my dreams. I now welcome fear with open arms and I hope this article inspires you to do the same. 

Once fear and I became friends, I found inner peace for the first time in my life. 

1. Fear means that I am on the right track.

When I first started sharing my writing it felt scary but also exciting. I was finally following this dream that I kept suppressing for years. 

I was following my heart and pursuing this path of writing no matter how many times my Ego told me to stop. I have since realized that fear is the first sign that I am on the right track. 

Everything that felt scary at first turned out to be better than I ever imagined. 

When I moved across the country to a city where I knew no one felt incredibly scary at first. But it was the tiny feeling of excitement that kept me going. That move turned out to be the most pivotal moment in my life and the catalyst for the dream life that I made a reality. 

2. Confidence comes after taking action, not before.

For so long I thought that I had to wait for confidence to show up before taking action. That’s why I hesitated on this dream for years because that elusive confidence never arrived. I would feel a hit of inspiration but then quickly talk myself out of it 5 minutes later. 

At one point I thought I was just destined to stay in my comfort zone because I wasn’t meant to be a confident person. But taking tiny action steps made me realize that confidence comes after taking action, not before. 

Taking action allows you to grow evidence that you are capable of anything you set your mind to. If you’re waiting for confidence, it will never come. Instead, try taking just one step toward your dreams and see the magic unfold. 

3. People aren’t judging me as much as I once thought.

My entire life I was so scared of what other people thought of me. That was the main fear I carried daily for 25 years. 

I thought the entire world was judging how I looked and the decisions I made. When in reality it was only me that was doing the judging. 

The thing is that people aren’t thinking about me as much as I assumed. Everyone else is so wrapped up in their own struggles that external things are often a passing thought. 

The thing that helped me confront this fear is also realizing that other people's opinions won’t matter a year from now, not even in 5 minutes. So why spend my life hiding? 

4. Fear will always be there but with time it will lessen.

The biggest takeaway I can give you is this fact, fear will always be there but it won’t always be calling the shots. 

I love to think of my internal guidance as a car on a road trip. Fear used to be in the driver’s seat calling all the shots and deciding which way to go. 

But once I started to grow my confidence and believe in my dreams, fear quickly moved to the backseat. Now my intuition is in the driver's seat. 

Fear makes an appearance from time to time, but I am certainly not going to let a backseat driver tell me which way to go. 

5. Once I stopped giving fear attention, my intuition became louder.

The beautiful thing about not giving fear any power is that your intuition has a chance to become louder. If fear and intuition are battling it out, fear will always win because it's a much louder and nagging voice. 

But when I became friends with fear and didn’t let it stop me, it made room for intuition to take the spotlight. Now intuition guides me on all my choices and fear lets me know I am on the right track. 

Becoming friends with fear is what gave me inner peace and confidence for the first time in my life. Fear is not scary anymore, it’s a catalyst for the big dreams I am going after. 

Are you ready to make friends with fear?