How healthy are your relationships?

With the start of every new year, most people like to set out to create new resolutions. Creating endless lists of to-dos, big and small goals, and even setting out to hit the gym everyday.

While it’s important to create goals and work towards something new, these resolutions often don’t stick around past mid-January. I’ve been there plenty of times, and I can guess you have too.

I realized this year that instead of creating big lofty goals that I likely won’t stick to, I wanted to instead evaluate the relationships in my life. I’m realizing more and more as I get older that the quality of my life and happiness is directly correlated to the health of my relationships.

Relationships to me encompass everything from the one I have with myself, coworkers, family, friends, and my boyfriend. Even if one of these is causing stress, then my quality of life will certainly be affected.

Think about how this relates to your life. Especially with the holidays just ending this is a good time to do some self reflection. Is family tension causing you a decreased quality of life? Or maybe the romantic relationship you are in has been difficult lately and you are avoiding speaking up?

If you are unsure that this is even applies to you, think about it in terms of how you feel physically. Do any of the below traits sound familiar? If any of these are true for you, it’s time to take stock of all the relationships mentioned above.

-Complete exhaustion at the end of every day, no energy to do even small tasks.

-Feeling tension throughout the day, physically and mentally.

-You feel more on edge and one small mishap will cause you to spiral into anxiety.

-Constant anxiety about everything, you’re not even sure what is causing it.

-You find yourself reactive to the person closest to you.

-You are judging everything someone does and second guessing their actions.

Even writing out that list is exhausting! You may be so far into some that you don’t even realize you aren’t happy. But good news is you can take back control.

Here is where the reflection comes in, the one I do every so often to check in with myself. From there I can identify any negatives or hindrances in my relationships and work to fix them. 

I always like to start with the connection I have with myself. If that is strong then I know I can positively affect the other ones in my life.

Here’s how I lay it out with examples of each category.

Relationship to self

What’s working: exercising consistently, writing daily, eating healthy, creative hobbies

What’s not: negative self talk, uncontrollable anxiety, not sleeping enough, overworking

One positive habit I can cultivate: seeking help for anxiety and low confidence

Boundaries to set: Getting consistent sleep every night because this directly affects my health

I’ll lay out all of these 4 aspects for all the relationships that are important to me. You can write about groups of people or just individuals closest to you. The most crucial thing is that you be as honest as you can. The only way you can make positive changes is if you are honest.

If you are worried that you’ve never looked at your life in this way, it’s okay. Self reflection is a muscle to build just like any other. And you’ll start to realize what is truly important to you and what you want to dedicate your energy to. 

Now you’re probably wondering what to do with all this information. If you go back and look at your lists you can start with the habits you want to cultivate. This is a way to put yourself in the driver’s seat of your life and start creating positivity and happiness.

Even if they seem like a hard pill to swallow, these habits are the fastest way to you feeling more energized and excited about life.

Maybe it’s time to finally have that tough conversation with your partner. Or you need to take some work off your plate and reduce stress. 

Is it time to stop worrying so much what your family thinks? Or maybe you have to set some much needed boundaries at the office that you’ve been avoiding. Is that friend that keeps disappointing you really worth as much time you’ve been giving them?

While it’s true that this exercise may be difficult at times and spark some negative feelings, my favorite part of all this is to realize the joy and happiness relationships bring to my life.

A strong romantic relationship filled with trust and honesty will bring you unlimited happiness and open your life to endless possibilities.

Solid friendships that provide support and laughter can cure loneliness and give life more meaning.

Mutual respect and understanding with family members can provide for enjoyable times and good memories spent together.

Another important thing to note is that relationships are of course 2 sided. This exercise is all about how to take ownership for yourself and bring the best version of yourself to other people. That’s why I always start with the connection with my own self. When I’m feeling good, mentally and physically, I know my relationships will be that much better.

You may not be able to control how other people react, but you can absolutely control how you react to all the situations. And take your “what’s working” aspects of all your relationships and focus on growing those parts. 

Once you write down all the positives and reduce the negative parts, you’ll get back to feeling more like yourself. Instead of exhausted and stressed, you can spend more time feeling happy, fulfilled, and energized about life. 

Swap resolutions for some reflection and see your life satisfaction increase exponentially!