3 key steps to finding your soulmate

Sep 24

Let’s be real, love is something that everyone desires.

That is what the human experience is all about! Giving and receiving love. That’s why you are here on this planet.

I believe that the more we can lean into love instead of fear, the better this planet is.

And that is why I am so passionate about helping people find real, soulmate love.

Love is so important for many reasons (not just because your family or society tells you that you “should” experience it.)

When you find soulmate love you experience:

A partner through life’s ups and downs
Someone to build an incredible life with
A person by your side to go after big goals and dreams together
A person that is your cheerleader and loves to see you grow
Constant growth and learning about your own self
A special connection unlike anything you have experienced before
Excitement, passion, evolution, & adventure

Sounds amazing, right?

Now I can guess what you are thinking, that it won’t work for you.

Or that you have tried in the past and have gotten nowhere.

Well I promise that you can and will find this (if it’s something you desire!)

I, too, believed that I would never find love, let alone a soulmate. I went on failed date after failed date.

I would see happy couples everywhere and just figured it wasn’t in the cards for me.

It wasn’t until I turned inward and started on my self development journey that I realized I was the only person holding myself back.

Let me say that again for the people in the back:

I was the only person holding myself back from love.

Once I decided to do the inner work and learn about myself, I realized that it was entirely possible for me.

That my soulmate was out there and my only job was to have fun along the way to meeting him.

Before I had this massive realization this is what my dating life looked like (can you relate to any of these?)

Only focused on my date’s physical traits even if we had nothing in common.
Being overly agreeable on dates as a way to seem like-able.
Not sharing any of my likes or hobbies because I felt they were “weird."
Going on second dates to be nice even though I didn’t want to.
Quickly judging my date before knowing them (as a way to protect myself from being vulnerable.)
Drinking too much on a date as a way to increase my confidence.
Forcing myself to be extraverted or that I liked to party way more than I actually did.
Getting overly excited about someone via text conversations only to have the date fall flat in person (way too many times to count!)

Can you guess a common theme between all those above? I wasn’t being myself!

I also had no idea what I was looking for. No wonder my dating life wasn’t going anywhere!

Especially as a highly sensitive woman, being intentional about my desires and also working on my own confidence was crucial.

So after I started to adopt the below steps and worked on my self, I found my soulmate.

It wasn’t without some trial and error, some more lessons along the way, and the doubt creeping back in at times, but it happened for me.

And I promise it will work for you, too.

So let’s break down these three key steps that I adopted on my journey. I want you to grab a journal and start brainstorming how you can implement them for your own life!

Get clear about what you are looking for. This step is the very first in your journey to love. Grab a piece of paper and list your top 10 desired traits.
Do not include anything about physical appearance. If you are serious about finding your person, you cannot control how they will look.
And remember, attraction grows over time, especially if they have your desired traits. Focusing only on looks is boring! And will bring people into your life that you are less than excited about.
So list the top 10 desired traits and write out WHY they are important. For example: I desire someone that is honest because that’s how I feel safe to be vulnerable.
Take all the time you need to build this list, wether it takes hours or days. This is what you are telling the Universe to deliver to you!
When you have your top 10 traits, I want you to circle the top 3 most important. These are your “non-negotiables” and will be your guiding light.
Yes, all 10 are important but these top 3 are ones that you will not budge on.
This list will give you the confidence you need as you go on dates and make it easy for you to say yes or no.
I would love to know, what’s on your list?
It’s time to look in the mirror. So now that you have your top 10 desired traits, it’s time to put the focus on you.
Go through each trait and ask yourself “Do I prioritize this in my life? Do I embody this trait?”
We cannot attract into our life what we already don’t believe or embody.
So if you want to attract an honest partner, do you live by honesty? Are there parts of your life that you are hiding or ignoring? Your soulmate is out there, but you need to also live by the same principles.
Maybe you are desiring someone that loves adventure, do you practice it in your life? Do you make time for it? That adventurous, loving man is not going to be excited if you don’t share the passion.
Yes, soulmates are there to teach each other, but they have to live by the same core principles.
This step is all about getting super honest with yourself. Once I made this list I realized I wasn’t prioritizing my own happiness and excitement!
There was no way I was going to attract the high quality man I wanted.
So I started to make time for fun, prioritizing my self care and happiness, went about living my life and he honestly appeared out of nowhere (well, a dating app to be specific!)
So what traits are you working on to embody in your own life?
Be YOU. This step should go without saying! But unfortunately I see too many amazing women trying to dim their light when dating.
Trying to mold themselves into the version they think is desirable.
Or women wanting to seem more extraverted than they are. Trust me, your soulmate is going to love you for the exact person you are.
There is nothing more attractive than authenticity!
Remember: by wanting everyone to like you, no one likes you. Meaning, liked by everyone leads to you being forgettable.
Instead try this on your next date: share your hobbies and passions with excitement. Talk about the book you’re reading or the course you just took.
Share your adventure and travel photos with the stories to go with it.
Talk about your likes and dislikes. As your connection grows with your person, continue to un-peel the different layers of your personality.
Tell your date the goals and dreams you have. What do you want for your life in 5, 10, 15 years.
Ask your date engaging questions that you are genuinely curious about. Your date doesn’t have to know everything about you on the first meeting, but give them a glimpse!
Dates are not meant to be an interview, so have fun with it.
Think about this: would you love to go on a date with someone that is passionate about something, excited for life, and wants to teach you about their interests?
Of course you do! So don’t be afraid to be that person.
Be bold and be yourself. When you are yourself, it’s going to be a breeze to know if you want to keep seeing the person or not.
When I listed out my desired traits, I realized that I valued freedom and expression.
So I started to embody it fully. I was free to be my fullest self and in no time, I met my person.